


Like A Mirage

by Cupcakemolotov



Series: mini-drabbles [2]
Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 22:51:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13913832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cupcakemolotov/pseuds/Cupcakemolotov
Summary: A visit to New Orleans does not go the way Caroline planned.





	Like A Mirage

"What the fuck was that?"

"Caroline Forbes. What do I owe this pleasure?" Rebekah asked. "Please tell me how you got my number, so I can kill someone."

"Okay at first, I admit I was bitchy about the baby thing. I mean, what the flying fuck? It's not bad enough that the picks her, but then he has the utter indecency to get her preggo? I mean, I realize actual hygienic condoms are a) usually a waste of time for him, and b) relatively new, but Jesus Mother of Christ. What even?"

There was a pause. "I wasn't aware that was gossip."

"I'm apparently the baby vampire everyone wants to keep informed. Stay with me. That's not important."

"My future niece or nephew, I think you'll find is exceptionally important." Rebekah said firmly into the phone, voice tight.

"Oh. My. Gawd. Are you serious right now? Look, does he have a doppelgänger? Is that even possible? I'm pretty sure time and space would break, but hey, what's new?" Caroline waved her free hand about wildly, ignoring the people dodging around her.

"Listen, you infant, I honestly could care less if the baby upsets you. But there is a baby, it's going to be my family, so take your Miss Mystic Fall's ass somewhere else. Do not ruin this for me."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Look, Rebekah. I understand. Family first, whatever. I mean, hey, if I make it a thousand years, who knows how I'm going to mourn my rusty, dead uterus."

"There is nothing wrong with my uterus." Rebekah snapped into the phone.

"Did you really just get defensive about this?" Caroline asked, pausing in her rant. "Okay, fine. Let's forget for a moment we're dead. You've a great uterus. Personally, I've enjoyed the complete lack of menstrual cycle, but whatever. Maybe it means more when you were raised during a time when breeding was your best feature? Oh, who cares. Back to my point. Usually your brother can ignite the panties of everyone around him at like, a hundred yards. That wet noodle in there made me want put more clothes on."

"Caroline. I cannot tell you how much I don't care about your panties."

Caroline shrugged. "That's fair. But Klaus usually does. And, you know, ignoring the weird, washed out version of myself glowering like some strange blowup doll, your brother did not hit on me. He did not make a single pass. He didn't even try one of those ridiculous pick up lines that make me want to hit him. Repeatedly."

"To which I reply, thank God. Although his taste in women has not improved."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Can you please concentrate?"

"On what?" Rebekah asked. "You've said absolutely nothing of interest."

"Off the top of my head? How the fuck did he get her pregnant in the first place? What kind of ridiculousness is 'Nature's loophole', why are you trusting witches, and when has your family ever settled? Hell, if we'd pulled a fraction of this nonsense when Klaus first showed up, he'd have razed Mystic Falls, set it on fire and salted the earth. What is wrong with you people?"

Rebekah was silent for a long time. "You might have a small point. Very small."

"Great. Fabulous." She slid into her rental and slammed the door behind her. "Do me a favor and when you figure out at which point Klaus lost his balls and then take them out of whatever witches' purse they're tucked into - tell him I said he's an idiot."

Disconnecting the call, Caroline backed the car out if the parking spot she'd illegally commandeered and headed for the highway.

This kind of crazy just didn't wash off.

There was no way she was believing Klaus-the-Hybrid-Asshole had baby fever. Or that those man-tears were real.

And seriously, what was up with that blond?

Shuddering, Caroline pressed harder to the gas petal and fled.


End file.
